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[Nov. 20th, 2007|02:44 am] |
i honestly wish there was a phrase to replace 'camera whore' because its so painfully overused. if the world continues using it as much as it already does, it might even make it to the dictionary. and until we find the perfect phrase, we could call ourselves photo enthusiasts. or in my case, maybe just narcissistic bitch =\
anyway, my uncle flew in from san diego yesterday and will be bunkin' at our pad until ... further notice. i find it really funny that neither of my parents have asked him how long he will be staying with us, because they don't want him to think that we're chasing him away. HAHA adults are hard to understand sometimes. i entertained the thought of poppin' the question last night over dinner, but then decided to let mom and dad continue to squirm uncomfortably as they contemplate how to go about doing it. yeah, cheap fucking thrill. speaking of thrill, i guess i am kinda thrilled that he's here, cos its been 9 long years since i've seen him.
im pretty much resigned to the fact that this ranting space will forever be subjected to minimal efforts on my part. its so easy to just spout random bullshit that comes to mind, or to put up pictures so that my friends overseas know that i'm still alive. but ultimately, we're merely satiating the appetites of invisible voyeurs. and it becomes just as easy for them to judge. i'd rather choose to indirectly cater to their superficial needs than to let them be the judge of who i really am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|02:39 am] |
miranda hobbs once blew up at her 3 best friends for talking bout men men men all day
its all about the other halves
oh i dunno where is this going
i would say the sex in the city laydees do bother to meet up a hell lot.
reality or not.
the emotion of the moment is intense crabbiness.
sorry i couldnt be there
a major production meeting i couldnt weasel out of.
i swear.
and to you know who you are:
maybe i was lyin. wadever. (as uncool as it sounds)
but i love you girl. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|12:44 pm] |
i look like death, and feel like it too.
it wouldnt be awfully far-fetched for me to believe that all this is being brought on by the lethal duo of school and PMS, right? these days, my sudden urges for solitude occur so abruptly that i clamour to be alone, even if its for a measly fifteen minutes. what with obsessive compulsive disorderly folk, and the tragically confused emo-trips.
i cant decide which is worse. pretending to not see someone you'd rather not acknowledge, or acknowledging them and being a hypocrite in the process. my ridiculous fixation on the most inconsequential details causes much confusion and eventually brings nothing but immense fatigue. thank god for that bundle of season 2 The 'L' Word dvds in my bag, i feel relief coming over me already.
i wish i could say more, but 'meet the fockers' is on.
you figure out the rest. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2007|04:46 am] |
when life starts to get ridiculous, it seems imperative that you resort to conventional therapy rather than perpetuate individual patterns. mid-term break my ass. more like break your back with project work. but anyway, fuck that, its over.
insomnia at its most hateful. i just wanna roll over and sleep, but i cant. damn random thoughts keeping me up at the worst times. everytime i have an 830 class, insomnia pays me a visit. is it really that hard to just go for my management accounting class?!
ok, too tired and cynical to care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2007|12:45 pm] |
trapped in such a state of lunacy that even i myself cannot comprehend. once again i come face to face with the law of diminishing returns, only this time, the input is evidently less intense. the outcome continues to be tremendously miserable. how is it that at this crucial moment, we still manage to feel no guilt nor remorse for playing hooky? as you probably know, i like to ask completely pointless rhetorical questions. because as always, it just boils down to me simply not caring. my newfound partner in crime merely serves to fuel my very lacking sense of responsibility.
and today we mourn the death of marketing class. it died ever so peacefully for the sake of a big pao and our growling tummies. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|03:46 pm] |
when life starts to get ridiculous, it seems imperative that you resort to conventional therapy rather than perpetuate individual patterns. mid-term break my ass. more like break your back with project work. but anyway, fuck that, its over.
insomnia at its most hateful. i just wanna roll over and sleep, but i cant. damn random thoughts keeping me up at the worst times. everytime i have an 830 class, insomnia pays me a visit. is it really that hard to just go for my management accounting class?!
ok, too tired and cynical to care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|09:59 am] |
camp nocturnalia is officially over.
its quite tragic how it only lasted 2 nights. i could definitely see myself doing what we did for the past 3 days 2 nights for the rest of eternity. but then theres school and homework and exams. so i think its about time we reverted back to our state of being tertiary robots.
every now and then, i wonder what my purpose in life really is. and i hope to god its not purely to get through school unscathed, climb the corporate ladder, support my parents and have lots of babies. it makes me sick to think that i've achieved so little yet lack the motivation to actually accomplish greater things. other than hitting level 60 in wow. which is so last year.
just another week. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|02:41 am] |
befuddled by the overwhelming inequity that so often rears its ugly head in the face of tough competition. it was never a necessity to emerge victorious at every challenge faced. perhaps this lack of drive or competitive spirit stems from stark fear of disappointment, and the minor embarrassment that entails? i was somewhat convinced that its usually neither, but a laid-back demeanour instead that so chokes and mortifies the challenger inside. its so often the case that the most obscure signs of ambition are driven off by the malevolent phantom thats usually concealed by sheer laziness, ineptitude and an unexplainable melancholy towards success.
having said all that, isn't it ironic the desolation that develops the minute we find ourselves plummeting towards a somewhat blissless abyss where we find ourselves scoffed at rather than glorified? on the contrary, some of us have become so used to the idea of ignorance being bliss, so much so that we almost automatically block out the negativity that comes blaring in our faces.
i could never explain where all this frivolity was coming from. deep inside, there really isnt any existing burning desire that yearns to be fulfilled. i quite enjoy the coming and going of day-to-day events that were hardly ever planned, hence never were expected. like a christmas present you never asked for. doesnt it make receiving it all the more joyful, rather than waiting around burdened by high hopes that often get crushed by concrete balls of insensitivity and forgetfulness.
schizophrenia enthralls me.
i've made my mess. its time for the clean-up crew to do their job. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|02:33 am] |
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Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|02:43 am] |
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i will never quite understand why i bother but certain things need to stay dead and buried beneath the earth. i dont expect someone not in my position to comprehend the kind of feelings i continue to hold regarding past issues, but its inevitable that i make my discomfort known. i think those close to me are aware that i can be extremely blunt at times to the point that i become slightly tactless. but the extent of how straightforward i am with someone is always directly proportional to how much our friendship is worth to me. i may be the master of bottling up then exploding, but when i am genuinely bothered by a matter that involves a friend, i find it most relieving and effective to speak my mind. i would rather the other party know that i'm affected by his or her actions right away instead of allowing feelings of discontent to build up. i've come to realise that getting pissed off over petty matters is one of the biggest wastes of emotions and energy. i'm quite aware of my short-fused tendencies, and i apologize if i get ticked off easily. but i forgive and forget, despite repeated offences. it's when i'm down to my last straw, then your best choice is to just walk away, because there is no way in hell i am gonna tolerate your sorry ass wreaking havoc in my very peaceful life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|02:38 am] |
your jesting has gone beyond the boundaries of my tolerance levels. at this point, should you choose to continue with your lame insinuations and annoying antics, it would only be of potential harm to you. this may sound morbidly cynical, but you cant deny the truth it bears: you may encounter many transient individuals in your lifetime, and a lot of the time, despite your chummy relationship that is so terrifyingly evident on the surface, they really are of no importance to you in the long run. and may, in fact, even cause you to undergo much adversity. graciously ignoring your behaviour is nothing but a lethal injection to our hollow friendship.
is it just me, or is it only sunny when im bogged down with work/school during the early hours of the day. its getting to be quite aggravating the way the weather chooses to be so flippant when i finally have a say in my own agenda. arent we all equally susceptible to the merciless nature of Murphy's Law. its been near impossible to keep dates now that i have work and an ailing grandmother to drive around for medical appointments and what not. i kind of get pissed off with myself on behalf of the people who've had to endure my repeated rainchecks.
i've been quite fortunate to not have to lunch alone since my first day at work. the one hour is hardly adequate for the kind of meals i require in order to fill my vastly expandable tummy. big meals = more time required for consumption.
boredom really is the master catalyst of idle talk and aimless rambling. its like im suddenly equipped with an inexhaustable supply of random shit to say for the sake of keeping my fingers busy on the keyboard. i really dont know how i managed to keep my previous receptionist job for over 5 months last year. it's merely been 4 days and already i feel like i'm losing steam. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|01:50 pm] |
often enough, i find myself inexplicably drawn to magazine stands that do nothing but contribute to my tabloid-congested brain. i've also very efficiently landed myself in a very uncompromising financial fix, and am beginning to feel desperate to find work. then again, evidently not desperate enough considering the fact tht i've turned down two pretty satisfactory job offers. okay actually, one sucks balls, the other one seems alright.
i am so sick of empty promises, if i hear another one, i think i'm just gonna fucking break something. then again, i like to believe that i am immune to watching my high hopes plummet to the ground time and time again. i am not a big fan of rejection and disappointment, as you can easily tell! i would just like to say, please refrain from saying anything if you dont plan to follow through with it. this is not a hostile demand, as you can tell. i am trying to be as diplomatic as i possibly can because all i want is PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|02:47 am] |
your words, they suffocate
i dont know how i became the innocent bug that got caught in a tarantula's web. spin all the balderdash you want, i just need that gentle breeze to help blow this shit over. keep that venom flowin, i may bruise easily but i dont brainwash that easy.
cruised across the causeway to spend a lil moolah for the sake of it. i love impromptu suggestions, esp when they come from the most unexpected sources :) i dont know how we survived with no pre-burned cd, and zero snacks. zomg. very unlike us, but it was one of the most enjoyable trips ever. it doesnt take much to please me, i laugh at nothing.
not forgetting the two surprise car-jackers who showed up in the backseat when i returned from drawing money at beauty world. haha seeing vern & queen made my day <3
i wish for a neverending world cup season :D
i have no idea why this post is just bursting with euphoria. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|02:48 pm] |
we're all blading on thin ice and doing mad stunts at that. proceed with caution.
spent the evening with the accidental shrink who probably wasnt sober 80% of the time, but i ain't complaining. we all fuss over the same inconsequential things that probably will not eventually be considered little nothings because a rolling stone gathers moss. and as mascara bleeds a blackened tear (props to franzferdinand), i cant quite recall the reason why, or how, or what.
we are so weightless it scares me how we float. i suppose we just want to get what we give. is that too idealistic a wish? how tragically alarming if it should be because i so love attuning myself with reality and its terribly hateful punitive nature. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2006|02:32 am] |
for those of us who are in the mad throes of emotional disillusionment, i believe we all wished we could snap our fingers and make everything bad go away. in other words, a fresh start. a new beginning. days to look forward to, days we didn't have to put on a face to get us through the day.
but the truth is, there is no limit to how much time it takes. there are no right answers. there is nothing anyone can say to make it all go away. there is only one thing we can do: to fight through it.
in the true spirit of moving on, there is no right way. there are some things that you just can't escape. because if pain is what you feel, then you know that what you had was real. and when you can finally say that you have moved on- you know you'd do it all over again.
alright, enough of this babble. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2006|02:31 am] |
pride, the sin from which all others arise.
superbia, avaritia, luxuria, invidia, gula, ira, and acedia. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|02:33 am] |
i am so close to imploding from the myriad types of rage that're dominating the senses. its easy to make assumptions, or is your guilty conscience just holding a gun to your head? it disappoints me how you aint got the balls to confront issues head on. here's some spare change, go buy yourself some cos i'm quite sure you weren't born with any.
office turn-out today stands at a grand total of 5 souls. everyone seems to have scurried off to some v. important conference at suntec. or are you all just hangin out and having carl's jr. ... i'm genuinely sad that next monday will be my last day of work. i've only been here for slightly over a week and i'm getting all blubbery and sad already. anyway, being unemployed just means saying hello to sunny sentosa with my vertically challenged good friends (haha!), and spending more time with the bitches, both furry and non-furry. you get my drift.
i feel like the dead girl in 6th sense whose mom kept poisoning her food to keep her sick till she finally died and went on to scare the shit outta hayley joel osmond (lazy to check spelling). just that in my case, someone's filling my mind up with nasty shit thats kinda corroding all the positive thoughts that once dwelled so peacefully up in there. in any case, at the rate you're going, i'm gonna be braindead by the end of the week.
and to the egotistical fuckheads that are so bent on believing that my thoughts and feelings revolve around your actions, its time for a fucking reality check.
diplomacy to the extent of hypocrisy? why waste your time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|02:30 am] |
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they say that too much of anything is never a good thing. even love. perhaps that explains why we hold back as much as we do. maybe we're all just afraid. so we lie. to the people around us and to ourselves. in retrospect, less is more. because once you've put yourself out there, once you've come clean to the secrets that have set you apart from the next joe; you may find yourself alone. and everyone knows that being alone is worse than being afraid. |
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